Insomia again

Ok, so it has been about a week now since I haven’t slept well and it has been almost two weeks since I wrote down anything significant here in my blog. But yes, Fanatical Teacher is insomniac lately…. thinking of the most recent things that has transpired in his life. The most recent one being that he has given his resignation letter at the school he is presently teaching, simply because he can’t handle the complaints being lodged against him by the parents of the students that he teaches.

I have talked with the College Secretary, and he said that I did a brave thing and also he agrees that this may be the best step for both of us. I gave him several reasons why I left — one of those reasons has to do with the fact that I am severely affected emotionally by the complaints. Second, I think that I still need to develop confidence in what I teach which would only come about when I am done with my graduate studies. The final reason is that I still need to develop life skills that are much needed in the workplace as well.

Last night, the speaker at the bible study had a chit chat with me and was wondering why I work freelance. I guess he rarely encounters people who are freelancers at my age. But the thing is, I work best when I am alone.  In fact, I think that being a freelancer is the best step I have ever taken to date because it has challenged and forced me to face some inner demons such as the way I relate to people.

And yet most of the time, I just deal with people online. It’s quite different when I meet the person face to face. I am still trying to be a more authentic person — no wait, I am trying to become a more compassionate and warm person.

It’s tough. Especially since I know for a fact that I am a rough person at heart. I’m a highly defensive person because I feel that I have been deprived of many things in life, including real love and acceptance that I haven’t had in my own family even until now. Only two of my siblings truly tries to understand me and I thank them for it. It’s quite surprising that it is my dad that is more understanding between my parents, and I have seen him try to do something to bridge the gap between us. It’s a long road ahead, and time is slipping away. I just pray that I would be able to do the right things. And I pray that this year would prove to be more than just a highlight in finishing my graduate studies and taking other certification programs, but I hope that this would indeed be a year of growing into loving God and others as well.